How can I ensure the best quality of life for my loved ones who are living in a residential care facility?
By Amy Goyer
Living in a residential care facility (skilled nursing home, assisted living, group home etc.) may be a substantial change for your loved ones. They may feel confined and uncomfortable. They may miss their neighbors, friends, and community. Mental health challenges may arise or worsen. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to bring joy and engagement into their lives while monitoring their care to ensure their best possible quality of life. You might ask the activities/life enrichment director at the facility for ideas, and here are some of my top tips to help you support your loved ones’ quality of life.
Make their room comfy: A little effort can transform a cold, sterile and impersonal new place into a much more comfortable and familiar spot. I provided my mom with some basic things when she was in a skilled nursing facility for rehab: a soft, lavender blanket, a pleasantly scented room spray, a brightly colored box of soft tissues, a CD player for music (now you can use a smart speaker), and a couple of her favorite stuffed bears (she was a collector). I also taped family photos on the walls (using removable tape). Even small things can make a big difference.
Observe the facility’s activities: Every facility should offer daily life-enriching 1:1 or group activities for residents. A variety of activities should ensure residents across a wide range of abilities can participate in something. They should have staff and volunteers who plan and lead activities, which may include games, music, exercise, intellectual stimulation, socialization, gardening, woodworking, painting, cooking, animal therapy, on-site entertainment, and outings for local entertainment, shopping, or sightseeing. If the current activities are not appropriate or interesting for your loved ones, make a list of ideas and talk with the activities/life enrichment staff. Offer to help with activities.
Ensure your loved ones attend activities: While you’ll want them to participate as much as possible, they may need coaxing or assistance to get to activities. When my parents were living in a senior community, I tried to visit when I could take them to on-site activities like music, exercise, and parties. They were usually willing to go but often forgot about activities or needed help getting there. I found that if I showed excitement about an activity, they got excited too. If I participated, they would too. When I couldn’t be there, I asked to have a staff person take them to activities, such as my dad’s water aerobics class (I had to pay a little for this service, but some facilities will not charge for this).
Visit frequently at various times of day: When a loved one lives in a facility, I urge family members to visit every day if possible. Not only will you be better able to monitor their care and quality of life, but you will also brighten their day and give them cognitive stimulation. Plan what you’ll do during your visits. For example, bring them their favorite beverage or food, read a newspaper article or book, bring family photos to enjoy and organize together, play a game, create crafts, take a walk, or record their life stories using an app like StoryCorps. Sometimes, simple things like watching a favorite movie, listening to them, and giving them lots of affection are just the ticket.
Take them for outings: Depending on their level of care and abilities, moving to a care facility should not mean they will never go anywhere again. When I took my parents out to health care appointments, whenever possible, I made a point to add on something fun, like getting a cup of coffee and a cake pop or taking a drive to see holiday decorations. Every Friday for several years we had what I called “Fun Friday Adventures,” which included Mom’s hair appointment and getting a bite to eat.
Having a change of scenery and getting out can be a morale boost as well as cognitive stimulation and physical exercise – even if it’s just to pick up food at a drive-thru. If getting in and out of the car is difficult, plan to have someone else along who can help. Depending on their abilities, take them to run errands or to your house for a meal. It may slow you down a bit, but if you manage your expectations, it can be a lot of fun.
Bring visitors: This might be one of the most challenging things since far too many people are intimidated by visiting facilities. But seeing different people is so crucial to fighting isolation. Ask friends and neighbors to visit – with or without you. Help them plan their visits by explaining your loved ones’ current abilities and providing suggestions for activities and conversation topics. Remember that sending cards and letters or having virtual visits are also possibilities.
Decorate and party: As a former activities director, there were two standby activities I went to over and over again: decorating and celebrating. “Any excuse for a party!” was my mantra. I carried that over to care for my family. Help your loved ones put out their familiar decorations or bring decorations to their room/apartment to brighten the atmosphere (and orient them to time and the change of seasons).
Decorations can be small (a plant, a tablecloth, a figurine, a wreath, a menorah, a small tree, etc.), or you can go all out with a Christmas tree, carved pumpkin, birthday banner, and more. Talk with them about what is most meaningful and focus on that, regardless of the season, holiday, birthday, or anniversary. Watching movies highlighting the season/celebration or listening to themed music are also great techniques. (Bonus: you may cheer yourself up too!)
Use music: Music may be your most accessible tool. As a music therapist, I used music every day working in the field of aging and when caregiving for my family. It’s simple but effective for most people. You can change the mood, motivate, stimulate, calm, and soothe with music. Choose a genre that those you care for love or match music to their current mood and gradually change it over time to match the desired mood. You might even do a little dance (standing or seated) with them to encourage exercise! If they have very little energy, music listening can be a viable and enjoyable activity.
Blend the generations: Age segregation really isn’t natural, so the more you can ensure your older loved ones have opportunities to interact with people of other generations, the better. This includes babies, young children, teens, young adults and so forth. If intergenerational activities are a part of the facility’s activity calendar, encourage loved ones to attend. Bring younger family members or friends to visit and encourage interaction by planning activities. Younger generations can dance or sing, show off a school project, read an essay they wrote, interview loved ones about their life and family history, watch favorite movies together, play games, share meals, give each other hand massages or manicures, and take walks.
Involve animals: Many people respond to animals even when interacting with people is challenging. Ask the facility about animal/pet therapy or get approval to bring your (well-behaved) pets for a visit. Do a local search for an animal-assisted therapy organization near you. If policies or allergies preclude live animals, you might consider robotic pets, particularly for those with dementia.
Resources
- 9 Fun Family Activities That Span Generations (AARP)
- Guide to Family-Friendly Nursing Home Visits (Doing Good Together)
- Paws and Effect: Studies Show Benefits of Robotic Pets for Loved Ones with Dementia, Loneliness (AARP)
- Tips for a Great Conversation (StoryCorps)
- Tips for Visiting Loved Ones with Dementia in Nursing and Assisted Living Communities (Alzheimer’s Association)
Amy Goyer is a nationally known caregiving expert and author of Juggling Life, Work, and Caregiving. A passionate champion for caregivers, she has also been one her entire adult life, caring for her grandparents, parents, sister, and others. Connect with Amy on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.